Thursday, January 31, 2013

Ghazal sonnet....A Verdian rain...


At dversepoets today we are instructed by Samuel on how to write a Ghazal sonnet, it's history going back to Arabic verse of the 6th century.  It's meter and rhyme is unique.  This is my first attempt at writing one..not as easy as I thought it would be...;)

                                                                                                                             
They sat serenely awhile in the rain    
asking why they never ran though the rain
                                                           
Sitting on the bench in drab olive mist
their raincoats deflected the sheen of rain

Her aging lean body leaned and warmed him
So little left of him in Verdian rain

Wishing they had captured that day in time
if hearts had turned back and foreseen the rain

Their lips had never touched in all those years
unspoken words hurried with falling rain

Candles left burning on an oak table                                                                                  
A note left there that night for unseen rain

People live stories in between the rain
Then die as by design in pouring rain

She bent to gently kiss his grey temple
His pulsating vein met with cool clean rain

Tendrils of wax spread into french linen
Her regretful tears mixed with saline rain

Parting for the last time he gave flowers
"For my dear Kathleen from olean rain"




As one can see, I took a wee bit of liberty with two descriptive words to rhyme with 'ene' for just the right meaning I wanted to get across.  I can explain ;)  Verdian is a combination of the word 'green' in Spanish and the Italian composer Verdi....and olean is short for oleander, a flowering shrub with a soft scent....therefore rain can be 'Verdian'  (musical) and rain can have an 'olean' scent ...

44 comments:

  1. Candles left burning on an oak table
    A note left there that night for unseen rain

    People live stories in between the rain
    Then die as by design in pouring rain

    found these two couplets really evocative...really nice story telling through the form...and i took a bit of liberty myself so...smiles...

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    1. ...thanks..I changed it a little since you read it ;)

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  2. Few things as poetic to me as falling rain. Lovely attempt at the form.
    Gene

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  3. A feeling of wistful resignation in this one...but so pretty. "People live stories in between the rain"...just lovely.

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  4. The just-in-case note and the linen/tendril combination especially seized me.

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    1. Glad you liked that part..my favorite..;)

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  5. "People live stories in between the rain
    Then die as by design in pouring rain" beautiful poem !!!

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  6. There are some absolutely stunning images here - love this one in particular:
    "Their lips had never touched beneath the rain
    words left unspoken hurried with clean rain"

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  7. To evoke the atmosphere of the ghazal in such a sustained sequence requires a good level of craftsmanship, which I always admire. And, I should say, bending the rules (and rhymes) in order to achieve the meaning and effect that you want, as long as you do it consciously, is always preferable to blind obedience to the form. Wonderfully done.

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    1. Thank you, Samuel; I went back and changed some mistakes giving it more body I think.

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  8. Katy! creating new words as you go along. Brill.
    And what a word. Resonates with Lorca's 'Verde, yo the quiero verde', one of my favourite lines, and then adding the opera to it and whatever bubbles up in your mind. So glad you explained, as I would have been googling in vain to find it :-)

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    1. I wondered if anyone would comment on the Verde reference...thank you very much!
      Glad you stopped by;)

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  9. Hmmm, I think I felt lost moments here -- falling like rain. I loved the rain refrain: unique.

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    1. ..moments? years!
      Glad you liked it ;)

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  10. Beautifully written! I loved the feelings expressed here, and the last stanza tops off a delectable poetic feast! Nice writing, Katy.

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  11. love the story you've woven here... sadness and joy mixed together

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  12. Wow! The form, the story, the emotion, the tenderness, the strong images - I loved it all.

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  13. Ah, lovely - works amazingly well for you. k.

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  14. Beautiful work. The rain always accompanies loss in movies and there's a cinematic quality to some of your imagery too :-)

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    1. ..I wasn't aware of that..thanks for the comment ;)

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  15. I really love your "rain" refrain and the couplets are so complete. "Her aging lean body leaned and warmed him" this is a beautiful love story.

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  16. Beautifully written and tender in spite of the lost years.

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  17. I love the refrain, rain ~ You have done well with the different scenes of rain ~

    The ending couplet is a nice touch ~

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  18. breathtaking. so many types of rain entwined in this piece. my particular favorite is saline rain.

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  19. i like the way you describe the inbetweenness of the rain. Anticipating rain and the feel of it. Evocative.

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  20. i like the mood you create with the images...very effective...my fav..
    People live stories in between the rain...yeah..we do...and hopefully there's also a bit of sunshine to warm us in the in between..nice...

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  21. wow. just....wow. your writing is captivating and beautiful. I'm no expert, but I do know what I like. you've provided me with an opportunity to taste, feel, see, know, and hear the rain and its impact. I've no clue as to the process, but you've made it look easy.
    you make me want to be a better writer. happy weekend to you Kathleen.

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    1. you are too kind, Ms Becky..it's kind of hit and miss...a lot of paper tossed in the prodess....be over to visit you soon..have a good weekend;)

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  22. I think this is a stunning poem, haunting in its melancholy beauty. A very original take on the love-and-yearning theme.

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    1. I really appreciate this..thank you.

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  23. loved this line especially - A note left there that night for unseen rain
    .. actually loved the whole ghazal.. rain is a beautiful refrain that you have made use of so wonderfully

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All comments, constructive and otherwise, are welcome and appreciated here. Thank you to those who show an interest in my quirky style of writing, photography, painting, and presenting a feeling or thought and for stopping by A Dwelling by the Sea..