Suggested by the talented poets at dversepoets.com
an exercise in a form frequently by poet, Marie Ponsot.
It's a Tritina and its verses go ABC,CAB,BCA...with a capsule sentence
for line ten. Not easy for we amateurs...
Let me have it people...
..my poetry can only improve...;-)
an exercise in a form frequently by poet, Marie Ponsot.
It's a Tritina and its verses go ABC,CAB,BCA...with a capsule sentence
for line ten. Not easy for we amateurs...
Let me have it people...
..my poetry can only improve...;-)
~
There is nothing like flying high on a swing
hang tightly to the ropes bending legs low
to the ground and the elation it brings in springtime
Breathing fragrant air I lose track of time
Contented I am anchored in a homemade swing
counting blessings each time I soar high or dip low
Children laugh and squeal as they rise and look below
My mood is more on even keel those times
when I'm gaily swinging in a swing
Make time to swing low in your chariot..
There is nothing like flying high on a swing
hang tightly to the ropes bending legs low
to the ground and the elation it brings in springtime
Breathing fragrant air I lose track of time
Contented I am anchored in a homemade swing
counting blessings each time I soar high or dip low
Children laugh and squeal as they rise and look below
My mood is more on even keel those times
when I'm gaily swinging in a swing
Make time to swing low in your chariot..
Pretty tritinas, all of them. The 3rd one is my favorite!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteThree! Well beyond the call. I also like the third poem
ReplyDeleteLovely lines ... well written and well explored !!!
ReplyDeleteha i really like that last it carries a bit of nostalgia for me in the imagery of the whirlygigs, but also the truth it bears as well and our inability to wait around...
ReplyDeleteI can only managed one, but you did three....I like the last one specially, sweet children ~
ReplyDeleteI was determined to get one right at least..;-)
DeleteAmazing to see not one tritina, but three. Enjoyed the first one & the idea of humans being always in motion. So very true. Enjoyed the last one too which explored the idea of swinging on a swing. Even as an adult, I love that feeling. It does 'ease' one's time. Smiles.
ReplyDeleteThe word verification is gone ;-)
DeleteI loved all three well thought-through tritinas - you made a near-impossible task for me look easy.
ReplyDeleteThere's an extra "the" in the middle line of the middle stanza of the last one. Hope you con't mind my saying...
Of course not...thank you...since I wrote all three in a weary state I decided to re-write the best one and drop the others for now...gave myself 2 thumbs down..Ha!;-)But thanks for the comment..now for the next challenge..
Deleteoh wow...and you just wrote three of them...kudos...i think you were doing well...and pssshhh...if i find a swing somewhere in a park, i'm the first one who runs towards it...love it..smiles
ReplyDeletea note on word verification...trying for the third time now..it's terribly bad to read..will give up if it's not catching now...may think about removing it..?
smiles...very cool...thought i'd come back and leave a comment...just for fun...smiles
ReplyDeleteThank you...and since my poems went pssshhh, I am editing them...though it won't save them...smile back.
ReplyDeleteKaty, reading this gave me a feeling of happiness and freedom. You did a nice job with the form, even incorporating some rhyme.
ReplyDeleteThanks..I weeded out a lot of words ;)
ReplyDeleteThe "swing" works well as a metaphor for life in flux and you did a fine job of using it in the structure of the tritina. It felt free, unfettered, and soaring. Well done.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you very much..
DeleteInnocently sweet! Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis brings back so many memories of childhood and youth, with exactly the kind of feelings you're evoking here. And the tritinas... Well, in terms of quality and quantity, you definitely outdid yourself here!
ReplyDeleteI am flattered..thank you; I enjoyed reading samples of your poetry..Letter to Neruda, quite the wooer) and the honesty that comes through all of them..have yet to read the Time Travelers Sonnet...it's quite a leap for me to go from practically nothing to joining this site...scary but fun...
DeleteThanks for reading those samples! The blog collects a couple of poems each from published and planned books, and some uncollected. The books in total collect about 300 poems. Of course, to get to those 300 I must have written thousands that I threw away! Anyway... it was nice to get the introduction to your poetry, I'll be by once in a while to see what's new!
Deleteoutstanding piece. You really accomplished so much in this form. the capturing of the moment, the scene is fantastic and what a great end line combining them. Excellent piece.
ReplyDeleteYou are too kind, thanks..
DeleteLike the way the form informs the verse but doesn't rule it overly. Fine piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you..
DeleteLove this Katy. Still love the swing too!
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]